Wiser, but still clueless.

"Welcome, giant pansies. Please feel free to bask in my glow." - King Julian, Madagascar.

Hahaha, couldnt resist adding that! I laughed for a full 2 minutes. Thanks for reminding me about it, Li'l Miss Sarcy!

Well, I don't really have anything in mind to say- I just thought my blog looked lonely. I was planning to write a huge essay on my hideous life, but then I accidentally walked into a door & I forgot all what I did today. All I remember is that I had a Nutella sandwich.

Mmm. Nutella.

So, I'm going to rant about something that's been bothering my friends & I for quite some time.

Er, I dont think introductions are really necessary. Just read my previous blogpost & you'll know what I'm talking about.

Yup, you got it. Backstabbers.

& not just you're average backstabber, who will at the most spread a scandalous rumour about you. No, this is about the very worst kind of backstabber.

The Best-Friend Backstabbers. The poisonous ones who prefer to get as close as possible to their prey, & then begin their little sting operation. Or the ones who are driven mad by jealousy or whatever & will stop at nothing to feel the satisfaction of breaking someone using cheap, underhanded methods-

Okay, yeah, I'm losing it. Don't want to end up with my foot in my mouth, so I'll cut short that description.

Anyway- I've gone through my fair share of people like this. That girl in grade 4 who used to plague me in class because I'm slow in Math (until I locked her in a cupboard. Shhh dont tell her, she doesn't know it was me.) , My ex- friend in grade 7 who made my life an acute misery just because she could.

& now, my so-called best friend who apparently 'loves me oh-so-much & misses me so much she cant even describe.' has torn apart my life completely.

I badly want to yell to the whole world what exactly she did & how much it hurts, but I really dont think that'll be too productive. The person in question is the most volatile bitch you'll ever meet, & I dont want more trouble than she's already cooked up for me.

Okay, pause for a moment. I'm not bitching- I'm just trying to give you all a heads-up in case you think something like that's happening to you too. I wouldn't be surprised- lots of stuff like that is going around. As I recently discovered, Shibby has been going through the same thing too (you can read about it here.)

Back to the point- doesnt it absolutely SUCK? I cant think of another way to describe it. It SUCKS that the one person who you think really understands you just goes and botches everything up for their own entertainment. It SUCKS that they befriended all your friends just to turn them against you. It SUCKS that you (I dont mean you, I mean me. But roll with me here) realised this way too late & can do sweet nothing about it now.

It just plain SUCKS.

Now I know why so many people have trust issues.

But what do you do about it? Does anyone know? I think someone needs to hold my hand & spell it out for me, because I sure as heck dont see a way out of this.

In the mean time, I'll probably write more angry poetry and rant like a itchy monkey. Cant think of anything better to do,

Argh, dont even mention studying. Circle theorems can just kiss my ass, for I cannot cope with more information than necessary being poked into my head with the pointy end of a marker.

Do I hear a hot fudge sundae calling out to me?
Maybe not, but it's worth investigating.

Ciao!

Backstabber.

A smile in the corridor
A hey! and a hug
it brightened up my mornings
was that like a drug?

hours seemingly well-spent
talking about secrets
i trusted you with the moon and stars
i would've never thought you'd leak it

i blamed myself for the carnage
that you wreaked upon my life
but you're as sly and deceptive
as a double-sided knife

What made you do this?
The jealousy and the hate?
where did it even come from?
i saw through you much too late

but the deed is done- i hope you're happy
that my life is in shambles
You're supposed to be my best friend
not a poisonous thicket of brambles

thanks to you, my world is shattered
the hate is always around
you corrupted the people that i loved
being along is like being drowned.

and yet i cannot let go of it all
The memories; there are a million
but, hey, the game is over now
I'm tired of your illusion.

So go ahead, deny what you did.
But it really doesn't matter
Coz you will remain forever more
my ex-best friend, Backstabber.

Watching from a distance will never get you far.

He watched her, from across the turf. She was with her friends by the swings, laughing and doing doing god-knows-what. He didn't really care what she was doing, so long as she didn't move out of his line of vision.
She sat on the swing, talking to her friends. Then she started swinging, going higher and higher until she was just a blur... just a blur...
From the highest point she could manage, she jumped off- sailed through the air with her hair like a halo, and landed gracefully on her feet, with her arms outstretched like a human eagle.
He smiled wryly to himself- he had always imagined her as an angel, as beautiful on the ground as she was in flight. He saw that he was right.
He knew he could just go up and say hello anytime. But why would he do that? There was the very real possibility she would hint that he should go away, if not say point blank. Or maybe she would say hello back, but forget his existence the very next minute. Stay silent and spare himself the pain.
The cowards way out.
Still, it was enough for the moment. He would see her again the next day, anyway.

*

She glanced back at the guy she had noticed earlier. He seemed to be watching her, but making no move to mark his presence. She found that a little unsettling, and wished we wouldn't. She saw no reason for him to be staring at her. And he did look a little familiar.
Her friends continued talking, and she willingly let herself drift into their conversation. Weird, silent boys staring at me is a stupid thing to think about.
Yet, he continued. She tried to make eye contact a few times, but gave up. He was as responsive as a particularly uncommunicative wall. She glanced at the first reflective surface she could, to see if there was something in particular he was staring at. None.
Was he trying to tell her something?
And if so, should she listen? Or not talk to strangers, and all that jazz.
Screw it. If he has a problem, then say it. I'll make him.

She held up a her hand at her friends, and told them to give her a minute. Ignoring their curious looks, she walked over to where he was standing, trying not to mind that he was still staring at her with the same, almost insulting blankness.
"Hello" she said, amiably. Lets see what he makes of that.
He gave a tight smile, but offered nothing back.
She gave him an odd look "Have we met before?"
"No" he said, and that was all. He looked like he was either struggling for words, or just struggling to get out of the conversation.
She assumed it was the latter, feeling a little stung.
"Oh. Well, see you later then" she said, somewhat lamely, and turned her back and walked away.
She did not look back.

*

He dipped his head, in embarrassment and disappointment. He did not envision introducing himself in that way. He did not even offer her his name. Disgraceful.
Oh well, better luck next time. There's always tomorrow, I'll talk to her tomorrow. Or Monday. He made excuses to himself, putting his feelings off in fear of rejection.

*

"We're WHAT?!" he yelled at his parents, not believing his ears.
His father shook his head sadly. "We talked about this before, you know. I did tell you that we may be moving by the end of the month, and so we are. I know this is awfully sudden, but you do have today and an entire weekend to say your goodbyes. I thought you were unhappy here anyway? I'm sorry, but business calls elsewhere I'm afraid."
But he wasn't really listening. A cold dread spread in his body, numbing his mind, and making him oblivious to anything but his own thoughts.
So there wont be a tomorrow. There was a today, but he'd put that off. There were countless tomorrows in the past, but he'd let them pass. He'd wasted them.
And now, all he wished for was one last tomorrow.
The day that would never come.

*

She met her friends in the park, as usual. Her favourite spot- the swings- were free and by habit she gravitated towards it. At the back of her mind, she wondered where the boy was. The silent one. She had remembered him: he was here at the park all the time.
Except today. This unsettled her more than his staring. He was always here; what happened?
An hour went by, and still no sign of him. She sighed. She'd probably scared him away yesterday. That was too bad; he looked like he'd wanted to say something to her, even if he didnt actually say anything.
Oh well. Guess she would never know. And she didnt linger on it. She didnt give it anymore thought, and soon enough the memory of the odd boy washed away.

*

but not in his. Regret lived on. And he finally admitted to himself that tomorrow was even more fickle that human nature.

A Day Like All Others.

Snapped back to reality, oh there goes gravity; shaken awake at an ungodly hour to go to school. Mmmph. Fivemoreminutes.

Made to stand outside, waiting for the contraption that'll take me from my nice, cozy home to a harsh place where Trig trumps life.

Inside van: Friends, real nice people, slowly waking me up. Make fun of the world outside, knowing fully well that we can be seen. The joy of notgivingadamn.

School, by standard definition: A hellhole with books. More homework to handle that air to breathe. Responsibilities. Work. Hardships. Learning? Me? Really?

School, by my standards: A hellhole with books. But with the nicest people you can imagine. They're the only reason I dont run out of school, flailing my books around. (well, that & the fact that I'll be disowned if I do).

"Did we have homework?"
"Yes"
"WUT?"
"Why are you even surprised?"
"Can I copy yours?"
"I didnt do it either"
"Shit shit we're screwed."

Somehow, it gets done. Or a somewhat- believable excuse is constructed. Hard work, that.

Lessons rush by in a blur. Differant shades of grey. Some facts & figures stick. Teachers aren't teachers for no reason, I guess!
Punctuated with the jokes and laughs of my friends. Where I'd be without them, I dont know.

The one class we all have to attend isn't too productive- it's mostly just us talking.
Teacher tells us to shush. We shush for exactly 3.5 seconds.
Quick, secret glances at the boy in the back row. A flurry of daydreams take me places. I follow them.

Maths. *cue synchronized groans*
Theorems, rules, formulas, blah. Why do I need to know the area of a circle? I'm not going to waste my life measuring circles. Or triangles.
Sine, cosine, tangent. Fancypants names for useless information.

Break= Food + gossip + laughing. My favourite combo.
Perhaps not in that order.

More lessons... on and on... until- END OF SCHOOL!
Oh wait, bus leaves an hour late.
No matter, my friends are definitely worth the wait. :)

Long, long ride back home. First half of it spent on reliving the highlights of the day with fellow bus-mates. Second half spent sleeping on each others shoulders.

Home, finally. I eat till it feels like it'll come out of my ears. Just right.
A little quality time with the fam. Try to avoid questions on what I learned today.
What I learned? I learned that X is going out with Y, W has a crush on A, V is the most annoying person we have ever met, etc. Oh, that's not what to you mean? Those things dont matter.
Oh no, it does.

Study for an hour. I take this as an opportunity to doodle all over the place or progress with CoDV (See previous post)

Then it's online time. Finally, a world I'm entirely comfortable in.
Well, you know what happens online.

*Yawn*

Time to hit the sack, then.

Wait, one more round of Pocket God on my iTouch...

...'kay, I'm going.

*lies, and reads the Draco Trilogy until her head feels like it's a second away from exploding*

*zzzzzzzz*



And so concludes the day of yours truly. It may not sound like much, but it is. It's my life... literally.