Saturday, November 28, 2009

16 is just a goddamn number.

GASP. I have been tagged by the crazy potayto-hugging n00bie and the raving purple-socked supercookie.

And this proves as a bit of a dilemma, as I'm not sixteen yet.

GASP. YES. I KNOW. You just couldn't tell, could you? *flips collar*

BUT. A tag is a tag. And I have absolutely nothing better to do. So I'll write a letter to the future me.


Dear 16 Year Old Self

 I'm gonna go out on a limb here and predict that you will be an even bigger nutcase than you are now. Hell- I can FEEL IT. Because I'm psychic like that.

And right now, you're fifteen. Yes, when you read this you'll be like 'Chikey who is this batta who's wasting my precious time' but hear me out, bruv. You owe it to me since, well... you're me.

You're well into your O/L year right now. And right now- you're not studying SHIZ. You know you should've- and judging by the fucking grades & such, you're probably going to regret all the countless hours you've procrastinated really badly.
Hell- I don't know, though. Maybe you'll haul arse later and work like a madman or you'll end up being a bimbo stripper who's leeching off your parents and signing up for reality shows for extra cash and to show off your supposed cleavage...

Okay, moving on.

Well, let me remind you of what you used to be like. You were boy-crazy, obnoxious, air headed, giggly, loud, neurotic, obsessive, whiny, frivolous and quite possibly bipolar.

Oh, and pessimistic. Which you probably already guessed thanks to the rather harsh description above.

But it's true. You're in love with a boy who quite frankly just screws you up mentally. He played with your mind, made you think about him perpetually, got you all crazy with the slightest action, told you things which made you obsess over him like a psycho & turned you into the consistency of jelly with a single kiss, and left you craving for more.

And you're probably wondering if you actually did love him. Well, you did. The masochistic moron you are, you loved him. Hell, maybe you still do. Or maybe what I'm saying now will bring back painful memories.
I dont know. But this is what you were.

And here's where it gets complicated. There's another boy- a sweet, loving, caring boy who's far away from you but loves you so much that the distance almost doesn't matter.

Almost. Because you gotta face it, man- you have a combination of intimacy, long-distance and commitment issues.

And right now, you dont know what to do. You're at your wits end trying to deal with it.
I hope you chose right. I hope you finally decided to stop faffing about and take control of your damned life.
Because it's about fucking time.

And you were a total freak, lemme tell you. I know you thought you were the best thing that ever happened to the world. If you still think that about yourself- STOP IT. You look and act like a spaz.

And you had a gay haircut. Sorry.

And hopefully, you've lost the addictions. To chocolate, ice-creams, boys, alcohol, cigerettes, so on.
Well.. at least cut back a teensy bit.
Who am I kidding, you'd never listen to anyone about how to run your life. Not even your own self.

And don't lose your friends. Don't outgrow them or do stupid shit like that. You've done it before- and remember how painful it was when you finally realized that you just lost the only people who knew the real, unabridged you?

And remember the 'tewtalleh kewl' people you had to sacrifice your sanity to be friends with? THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT. Never was and never will be. Stop being so goddamn shallow.

Well, I could give you more advice and all- but where's the fun in that? And you're probably going to give up on this blog like you give up on everything else you start in life (except for a bar of Toblerone. And cigerettes. What is up with that, anyway?).
So chances are you'll never read this once you hit sixteen, let alone after.

But hey- you try. And hopefully, the world hasn't ended by then. And judging by the movie 2012 (which you went to see with your BIS friends & totally had a great time), it probably might.

So live your life. Get good marks, find love, be happy, la di fucking da. You get it.

And never never never stop being you. Take it from me, you're not that bad a person, despite all the above.


I'm quite late in posting this, so I bet everyone's already done this. But if you haven't- I TAG YOU!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Lame Excuses I Make

You've got me smoking a pack a day
But I thank you
I haven't been able to finish anything I started.
Until now, until you.

You've got me hitting the hard stuff
But I'm grateful
I've forgotten how much I love Tanqueray gin
Tequila shots, vanilla vodka... Good stuff.

You've got me spouting craploads of filth
But that's okay
I've finally found the words to describe my situation
& I've discovered that I have some pretty good imagination

You've got me crying myself to sleep
But it's alright
It's reassuring that I still have feelings
& I'm finally able to fall asleep.

You've got me walking into walls deliberately
But whatever
I'm a klutz; it's bound to happen anyway
& the physical pain takes away the emotional one

You've got me trying to look pretty in vain
But it's not a complete waste
Now I know that I look like crap in green
& that I can look like a girl if I try

You've got me running back to you in desperation
But now I know
That your beautiful words are hollow & fake
& that nothing's changed, & it never will

You've got me underestimating myself
But I'm not looking back
Now I know that I have issues
& I'm going to face them. Just watch me.

You've got me lying to like there's no tomorrow
To myself & to others
But it's easier to hide behind a smile
Less questions, less pain.

& you've got me writing intentionally sucky poems
Instead of concentrating on the piles of work i have

& I've run out of excuses

(drawing is by me, at the back of my Math notebook :) )

Friday, November 6, 2009

It's hard to lay low..

...When you're as addicted to the Net as I am. :)

Wow, I haven't updated in decades... In fact, I had to be reminded that I even have a blog.

Shame on me! *slaps self on head*

Anyway- I didnt really have a proper post all planned out, but I feel terrible guilty for having neglected my dear little slightly-retarded brainchild. :)

Anyway- while I rack my brains & come up with a more serious post- here's a video I found which never ceases to amaze me. I would love to hear these two in person :D


Nathan "Flutebox" Lee and Beardyman @ Google, London

Stay tuned!