You've got me smoking a pack a day
But I thank you
I haven't been able to finish anything I started.
Until now, until you.
You've got me hitting the hard stuff
But I'm grateful
I've forgotten how much I love Tanqueray gin
Tequila shots, vanilla vodka... Good stuff.
You've got me spouting craploads of filth
But that's okay
I've finally found the words to describe my situation
& I've discovered that I have some pretty good imagination
You've got me crying myself to sleep
But it's alright
It's reassuring that I still have feelings
& I'm finally able to fall asleep.
You've got me walking into walls deliberately
I'm a klutz; it's bound to happen anyway
& the physical pain takes away the emotional one
You've got me trying to look pretty in vain
But it's not a complete waste
Now I know that I look like crap in green
& that I can look like a girl if I try
You've got me running back to you in desperation
But now I know
That your beautiful words are hollow & fake
& that nothing's changed, & it never will
You've got me underestimating myself
But I'm not looking back
Now I know that I have issues
& I'm going to face them. Just watch me.
You've got me lying to like there's no tomorrow
To myself & to others
But it's easier to hide behind a smile
Less questions, less pain.
& you've got me writing intentionally sucky poems
Instead of concentrating on the piles of work i have
& I've run out of excuses
5 months ago