Wiser, but still clueless.

"Welcome, giant pansies. Please feel free to bask in my glow." - King Julian, Madagascar.

Hahaha, couldnt resist adding that! I laughed for a full 2 minutes. Thanks for reminding me about it, Li'l Miss Sarcy!

Well, I don't really have anything in mind to say- I just thought my blog looked lonely. I was planning to write a huge essay on my hideous life, but then I accidentally walked into a door & I forgot all what I did today. All I remember is that I had a Nutella sandwich.

Mmm. Nutella.

So, I'm going to rant about something that's been bothering my friends & I for quite some time.

Er, I dont think introductions are really necessary. Just read my previous blogpost & you'll know what I'm talking about.

Yup, you got it. Backstabbers.

& not just you're average backstabber, who will at the most spread a scandalous rumour about you. No, this is about the very worst kind of backstabber.

The Best-Friend Backstabbers. The poisonous ones who prefer to get as close as possible to their prey, & then begin their little sting operation. Or the ones who are driven mad by jealousy or whatever & will stop at nothing to feel the satisfaction of breaking someone using cheap, underhanded methods-

Okay, yeah, I'm losing it. Don't want to end up with my foot in my mouth, so I'll cut short that description.

Anyway- I've gone through my fair share of people like this. That girl in grade 4 who used to plague me in class because I'm slow in Math (until I locked her in a cupboard. Shhh dont tell her, she doesn't know it was me.) , My ex- friend in grade 7 who made my life an acute misery just because she could.

& now, my so-called best friend who apparently 'loves me oh-so-much & misses me so much she cant even describe.' has torn apart my life completely.

I badly want to yell to the whole world what exactly she did & how much it hurts, but I really dont think that'll be too productive. The person in question is the most volatile bitch you'll ever meet, & I dont want more trouble than she's already cooked up for me.

Okay, pause for a moment. I'm not bitching- I'm just trying to give you all a heads-up in case you think something like that's happening to you too. I wouldn't be surprised- lots of stuff like that is going around. As I recently discovered, Shibby has been going through the same thing too (you can read about it here.)

Back to the point- doesnt it absolutely SUCK? I cant think of another way to describe it. It SUCKS that the one person who you think really understands you just goes and botches everything up for their own entertainment. It SUCKS that they befriended all your friends just to turn them against you. It SUCKS that you (I dont mean you, I mean me. But roll with me here) realised this way too late & can do sweet nothing about it now.

It just plain SUCKS.

Now I know why so many people have trust issues.

But what do you do about it? Does anyone know? I think someone needs to hold my hand & spell it out for me, because I sure as heck dont see a way out of this.

In the mean time, I'll probably write more angry poetry and rant like a itchy monkey. Cant think of anything better to do,

Argh, dont even mention studying. Circle theorems can just kiss my ass, for I cannot cope with more information than necessary being poked into my head with the pointy end of a marker.

Do I hear a hot fudge sundae calling out to me?
Maybe not, but it's worth investigating.

Ciao!

Backstabber.

A smile in the corridor
A hey! and a hug
it brightened up my mornings
was that like a drug?

hours seemingly well-spent
talking about secrets
i trusted you with the moon and stars
i would've never thought you'd leak it

i blamed myself for the carnage
that you wreaked upon my life
but you're as sly and deceptive
as a double-sided knife

What made you do this?
The jealousy and the hate?
where did it even come from?
i saw through you much too late

but the deed is done- i hope you're happy
that my life is in shambles
You're supposed to be my best friend
not a poisonous thicket of brambles

thanks to you, my world is shattered
the hate is always around
you corrupted the people that i loved
being along is like being drowned.

and yet i cannot let go of it all
The memories; there are a million
but, hey, the game is over now
I'm tired of your illusion.

So go ahead, deny what you did.
But it really doesn't matter
Coz you will remain forever more
my ex-best friend, Backstabber.

Watching from a distance will never get you far.

He watched her, from across the turf. She was with her friends by the swings, laughing and doing doing god-knows-what. He didn't really care what she was doing, so long as she didn't move out of his line of vision.
She sat on the swing, talking to her friends. Then she started swinging, going higher and higher until she was just a blur... just a blur...
From the highest point she could manage, she jumped off- sailed through the air with her hair like a halo, and landed gracefully on her feet, with her arms outstretched like a human eagle.
He smiled wryly to himself- he had always imagined her as an angel, as beautiful on the ground as she was in flight. He saw that he was right.
He knew he could just go up and say hello anytime. But why would he do that? There was the very real possibility she would hint that he should go away, if not say point blank. Or maybe she would say hello back, but forget his existence the very next minute. Stay silent and spare himself the pain.
The cowards way out.
Still, it was enough for the moment. He would see her again the next day, anyway.

*

She glanced back at the guy she had noticed earlier. He seemed to be watching her, but making no move to mark his presence. She found that a little unsettling, and wished we wouldn't. She saw no reason for him to be staring at her. And he did look a little familiar.
Her friends continued talking, and she willingly let herself drift into their conversation. Weird, silent boys staring at me is a stupid thing to think about.
Yet, he continued. She tried to make eye contact a few times, but gave up. He was as responsive as a particularly uncommunicative wall. She glanced at the first reflective surface she could, to see if there was something in particular he was staring at. None.
Was he trying to tell her something?
And if so, should she listen? Or not talk to strangers, and all that jazz.
Screw it. If he has a problem, then say it. I'll make him.

She held up a her hand at her friends, and told them to give her a minute. Ignoring their curious looks, she walked over to where he was standing, trying not to mind that he was still staring at her with the same, almost insulting blankness.
"Hello" she said, amiably. Lets see what he makes of that.
He gave a tight smile, but offered nothing back.
She gave him an odd look "Have we met before?"
"No" he said, and that was all. He looked like he was either struggling for words, or just struggling to get out of the conversation.
She assumed it was the latter, feeling a little stung.
"Oh. Well, see you later then" she said, somewhat lamely, and turned her back and walked away.
She did not look back.

*

He dipped his head, in embarrassment and disappointment. He did not envision introducing himself in that way. He did not even offer her his name. Disgraceful.
Oh well, better luck next time. There's always tomorrow, I'll talk to her tomorrow. Or Monday. He made excuses to himself, putting his feelings off in fear of rejection.

*

"We're WHAT?!" he yelled at his parents, not believing his ears.
His father shook his head sadly. "We talked about this before, you know. I did tell you that we may be moving by the end of the month, and so we are. I know this is awfully sudden, but you do have today and an entire weekend to say your goodbyes. I thought you were unhappy here anyway? I'm sorry, but business calls elsewhere I'm afraid."
But he wasn't really listening. A cold dread spread in his body, numbing his mind, and making him oblivious to anything but his own thoughts.
So there wont be a tomorrow. There was a today, but he'd put that off. There were countless tomorrows in the past, but he'd let them pass. He'd wasted them.
And now, all he wished for was one last tomorrow.
The day that would never come.

*

She met her friends in the park, as usual. Her favourite spot- the swings- were free and by habit she gravitated towards it. At the back of her mind, she wondered where the boy was. The silent one. She had remembered him: he was here at the park all the time.
Except today. This unsettled her more than his staring. He was always here; what happened?
An hour went by, and still no sign of him. She sighed. She'd probably scared him away yesterday. That was too bad; he looked like he'd wanted to say something to her, even if he didnt actually say anything.
Oh well. Guess she would never know. And she didnt linger on it. She didnt give it anymore thought, and soon enough the memory of the odd boy washed away.

*

but not in his. Regret lived on. And he finally admitted to himself that tomorrow was even more fickle that human nature.

A Day Like All Others.

Snapped back to reality, oh there goes gravity; shaken awake at an ungodly hour to go to school. Mmmph. Fivemoreminutes.

Made to stand outside, waiting for the contraption that'll take me from my nice, cozy home to a harsh place where Trig trumps life.

Inside van: Friends, real nice people, slowly waking me up. Make fun of the world outside, knowing fully well that we can be seen. The joy of notgivingadamn.

School, by standard definition: A hellhole with books. More homework to handle that air to breathe. Responsibilities. Work. Hardships. Learning? Me? Really?

School, by my standards: A hellhole with books. But with the nicest people you can imagine. They're the only reason I dont run out of school, flailing my books around. (well, that & the fact that I'll be disowned if I do).

"Did we have homework?"
"Yes"
"WUT?"
"Why are you even surprised?"
"Can I copy yours?"
"I didnt do it either"
"Shit shit we're screwed."

Somehow, it gets done. Or a somewhat- believable excuse is constructed. Hard work, that.

Lessons rush by in a blur. Differant shades of grey. Some facts & figures stick. Teachers aren't teachers for no reason, I guess!
Punctuated with the jokes and laughs of my friends. Where I'd be without them, I dont know.

The one class we all have to attend isn't too productive- it's mostly just us talking.
Teacher tells us to shush. We shush for exactly 3.5 seconds.
Quick, secret glances at the boy in the back row. A flurry of daydreams take me places. I follow them.

Maths. *cue synchronized groans*
Theorems, rules, formulas, blah. Why do I need to know the area of a circle? I'm not going to waste my life measuring circles. Or triangles.
Sine, cosine, tangent. Fancypants names for useless information.

Break= Food + gossip + laughing. My favourite combo.
Perhaps not in that order.

More lessons... on and on... until- END OF SCHOOL!
Oh wait, bus leaves an hour late.
No matter, my friends are definitely worth the wait. :)

Long, long ride back home. First half of it spent on reliving the highlights of the day with fellow bus-mates. Second half spent sleeping on each others shoulders.

Home, finally. I eat till it feels like it'll come out of my ears. Just right.
A little quality time with the fam. Try to avoid questions on what I learned today.
What I learned? I learned that X is going out with Y, W has a crush on A, V is the most annoying person we have ever met, etc. Oh, that's not what to you mean? Those things dont matter.
Oh no, it does.

Study for an hour. I take this as an opportunity to doodle all over the place or progress with CoDV (See previous post)

Then it's online time. Finally, a world I'm entirely comfortable in.
Well, you know what happens online.

*Yawn*

Time to hit the sack, then.

Wait, one more round of Pocket God on my iTouch...

...'kay, I'm going.

*lies, and reads the Draco Trilogy until her head feels like it's a second away from exploding*

*zzzzzzzz*



And so concludes the day of yours truly. It may not sound like much, but it is. It's my life... literally.

CoDV: My Little Fantasy World

My blog looked lonely, & Anonymouse has gone on an Bloggerific spree :P
So I got into a bloggerific mood... but without much of a topic. :(

So, I shall tell you about CoDV, my latest little adventure.
Well, it's not an adventure, per se, but it is important to me. This maybe the first time I've ever really concentrated on a big project, & the first time I'll actually complete it.
Sad, isnt it? In all my x years of life, this is the one thing I'll actually finish writing.

Okay, so what IS CoDV, you're probably thinking. It's this story im writing, a fanfic really.
Okay, dont laugh at the plot. This is only a small builiding block in my writing career, & its mainly a inside thing with my friends.
Its a fanfic about a fanfic about Harry Potter. :P
Okay I said it. :P
But the original fanfic about Harry Potter (dont sue me for mentioning it, JKR) is written by this brilliant author named Cassandra Clare. She's BRILLIANT. Honestly, her now very famous fanfics (entitled: Draco Dormiens, Draco Sinister & Draco Veritas) is an absolute mindfuck, in the best way possible. It makes you feel like CC is not just another writer, but a deity of sorts.

Anyway, back to the point. It's mostly about Draco Malfoy, & his life on the good side (I know, I kn0ow. He's supposed to be evil & all. & he STILL IS. Just on the good side. He's still ill-tempered, sarcastic, infuriating. Just unbelievable awesome at the same time).
Well, of COURSE the other main character is Harry, Hermy, Ron, Ginny & the rest of the HP brood.
But this is NOTHING LIKE JK's stuff. This IS magic, in writing.
I mean, dont get me wrong! JK is a GENIUS & the entire world should be indebted to her & her incredible-ness.
But CC puts this whole new twist to things. Nothing is what you think it is.

So, its a Trilogy, the Draco Trilogy. & it will forever remain the best thing i have ever read.
& when I get back home, I will upload it so that you guys can read it too, if you like.

but sadly, the epilogue wasnt up to the expected standards. & my friends & I were incredibly disappointed.
Then I got the brainwave to write a new continuation. The Continuation of Draco Veritas. CoDV, as I call it.
Well, basically i needed something to be fixated on. & in the Draco Trilogy, the highlight is Draco & Ginny, the most unlikely combo in the world.

So im writing a continuation.

Okay, i bet you're questioning my sanity now. I do too, daily. But this... this is just something i really feel i need to complete. I dont know why, but i know i'll never live it down if i leave it incomplete.
Besides, i'll be roadkill, courtesy of my friends & fellow Dracomaniacs.

Still in chapter 3, but im getting there :)

so now that i've bored you to tears... have a nice weekend :)

Chicken Soup With Noodles.

Those Chicken Soup book annoy me. They're so irritatingly soulful, & try-hard- life changing . No, I dont want to hear about the crippled boy who bought the crippled dog. Or the lady with the already-burned face who saved some kid from a fire. I'm creeped out by fairytales as it is.

Hey, here's a thought: Why isn't there a Chicken Soup book for the Sick? Aren't THEY the people who actually need the friggin' soup? Oh noooo, instead- perfectly healthy people are stealing all their soup to make soppy (or should i say- soupy?) books out of it.
Psshh. The selfishness of humanity is so sad. Over a thing like SOUP. Which most people dont even LIKE, normally.
Except when they're SICK. WHICH IS THE WHOLE POINT, INNIT?! -_-

Haha, & what about the vegetarians? You cant have a Chicken Soup for Vegetarians, now can you? So what, Vegetable Soup for Vegetarians? Why has nobody written a Vegetable Soup book?! WHY?! What have you got against vegetarians, you soup-mongers?!

& what about Chicken Soup for Babies? Sure, they cant read it, but their parents can read it to them! & babies eat ONLY soup, right? (well, a LOT of soup at least). & they of all people need it to grow into strong & all-rounded individuals. Think about that, WritersOfSoup!

& personally, I think Chicken Soup sucks without noodles. WE NEED CHICKEN SOUP WITH NOODLES!

& what about Chicken Soup for Introverts, Insomniacs, Suicidal people, Emos, etc?! The people that actually need it! Broaden your minds, WritersOfSoup! Help those who need it, & NOT write some book that some fat rich dude/dudette buys as beach-reading!!

Hmm. I'm hungry now. No, really.

Notes On My Ceiling

One of them reminds me to finish writing my story. One of them tells me to finish all my Business assignments. One of them tells me not to mope about *insert Guy X's name here* so much. One of them tells me to clean my Converse. Everyday things.
And so on.

I actually find these notes very useful. You see, I have the memory capacity of a goldfish, so I need constant reminding about things.
& it fits that I have reminders above the place I spend the most time in.

But it's not just the notes that keep me sane or organized. It's the people in my life too.
They're the ones who remind me about the other things in life, besides chores.
Like.. my mom, who wakes me in the morning because im too lazy to do it myself, my friend who reminds me everyday that whenever im free, i have to write my story because she finds it so fascinating. My other friend, who tests my patience & social skills so much that im more pissed than grateful.

My friends, who remind me that they love me.
My family, who're always there.
My mere acquaintances, who remind me not to get personal about everything.
The people who make me mad. To remind me that im not perfect.
And so on.

You know what I think? I think people forget about these things easily, even the ones who have the memory of an elephant.

My advice? Don't. Or if you cant help it, make friends. Reconnect with old ones, your family. Anything that makes sure you have people you can trust to keep you sane.

Or else... write it on a Post-It note & stick it on your ceiling.

But if I were you, I'd stick with the people.